The Bill I Will Never Need to Veto

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If my heart were Congress, it would be a meeting between the lovers and the anti-lovers.

The two parties are currently debating the merits of whether or not I should ask out that girl I’ve liked since last year, but haven’t had the courage to do yet.

The discussions are heated, and each side certainly has convincing arguments, but as the independent president of my emotions, I am still unsure.

Love is, you see is a bit more complicated than that.

It is a network of multiple chemicals coursing through your, firing off signals in your brains when you see that person that your mind has been clinging to and can’t really let go of.

Love is the thought of not being able to that person again and immediately getting a sinking feeling in your stomach.

H.R. 997, A resolution to ask out that girl you’ve liked for over a year within 3 days of this bill being passed.

This bill would make it a requirement that the president gets his shit together and just say how he really feels because if he doesn’t he knows he’ll regret it and just end up back in his room watching anime again.

The fine for not going through with it is a lifetime of misery and regret because you decided it was more important to protect your feelings than to let them come into their own.

Right now, I am trapped in a partisan debate where there is no compromise on either side. Both are insisting that I make my decision quickly before time runs out and all the opportunities to ask “will you go out with me?” will be gone.

Luckily, though, I won’t have to, because this bill won’t even make it past committee.



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